Weirdest may not be the right word to describe these captions, but these will make you feel better about yourself.
Since these are real people (friend of friends) with real accounts, I am cropping out the pics and their names.
(*inserts an edited selfie.)
Translation: Since I was a kid, I wanted to be a villain. But these cute girls made me hero…
“Akshay Kumar faltu mein dollar banian pehen ke ghumte hai. In Bhai Saab se gyaan le lena chahiye tha…”
[Akshay Kumar using Dollar vest to become a hero is utter waste (in an Indian advertisement). He should have taken tips from this guy…]
(*inserts a selfie with a friend)
Translation: I don’t maintain enmity even with dogs, but if a lion comes in my way, I won’t spare it …
“what is the effing point?”
(*inserts a selfie)
Translation: The girls who call me a bad boy probably don’t know that Princes are never disciplined.
“ye post mummy ko dikha do. Apne aap sudhar jaoge…”
(Show this post to your mom. You will become disciplined on your own then…)
(*inserts a pic on a bike)
Translation: My teacher said me “if you show this much attitude, you cannot study.” I replied, “if I start showing attitude, you cannot teach…”
“and that was the last day of my education…”
“And the place where you reside is called what? Narnia?”
(*inserts a selfie with his brother)
Translation: Whenever we two brothers go out together, girls get confused about whom to hit on. One is smart; one is cute.
“agar papa ne tere post dekh liye toh dono ko line mein khada kar ke maarenge…”
(If dad sees your post, he will make both of you stand in a line and kick you)
*inserts a collage of pics of her friends
Translation: Even I can’t understand that code.
“Aakhir aap kehna kya chahti hai??” (After all, what do you want to say?)
(*inserts her childhood pics)
Translation: When I was a kid, I used to die for super girls. Now I die for these pics.
How cute everyone is when they are young right?
“You need to set your priorities straight miss…”
(*inserts a selfie with mom)
Translation: Love you, Mumma. After all, I am mom’s daughter only. A random selfie.
“Mumma will be happy with you posting this selfie. But she will be disappointed for the money spent on your English education.”
(*inserts a chocolate eating selfie)
“Seriously behen, you need to recite your captions in your head before posting them!!”
(*inserts a selfie)
“ummmm… what kind of crazy paradox is it?”
“ it goes the other way. People liked this pic cause it is Captionless!!”
(*inserts a pic sitting on a swing)
“Wait for what??? I think we have got a tongue twister here. Repeat it ten times…”
(*inserts some random pic of some random girl)
“With this typing and spelling, you are surely getting their attitude all wrong. Trust me; it’s not to impress you!!!”
“I am pretty sure it’s not the selfie. It’s your captions to that selfie which keeps the friends away…”
(*inserts a pic sitting on cricket ground outfield)
“I like the fight in you bro. But type the complete caption. Why making it a ‘Fill in the Blank’ question??”
Translation: Only two things are famous in this world. My style and my smile.
“And still the world is crazy about Selena Gomez’s Instagram pics!!”
(*inserts a pic giving a serious pose)
“I think you have messed up something in that caption dude.”